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tardis_stowawayFrom a friend's facebook posting, I have a highly entertaining batshit theory written by Krayton Kerns, an actual current member of the Montana House of Representatives. It features not only the usual right-wing gripes about big government and liberals destroying Christianity in the schools, but also such creative elements as bison and Walt Disney!
"This winter, under the cloak of darkness and against Montana Code, 60 bison were relocated from the quarantine facilities of Yellowstone National Park (YNP) to the Fort Peck Reservation along the Missouri Breaks. This is the second of a four step process to crush the republic and bring our populace into perfect dependence on big government—just as Karl Marx dreamed. If you missed steps one and two, you will likely refuse to acknowledge steps three and four, but I will explain them anyway.
Step One: Whether Walt Disney was a cause or an effect is uncertain, but his personification of animals allowed activists to gift Bambi rights equal to those endowed us by our Creator. Simultaneously and incrementally, government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator. (If that last sentence made you wince, you see how deeply idolatry has infected the American soul.)
Step Two: Fully indoctrinated Americans have deemed YNP bison as a genetically pure mascot worthy of worship as the golden calf. This May, our US Senate discussed legislation to designate the bison as our national mammal, while activists quietly acquired conservation easements and commandeered Montana water rights through the Clean Water Act. The noose of federal control quietly tightened around massive tracts of Montana’s Missouri Breaks, and just as planned, 60 YNP bison appeared on the Fort Peck Reservation.
Step Three (Prediction): Like clockwork, YNP bison will overpopulate and escape their temporary home and within a decade, there will be thousands of bison ravaging The Breaks. Once Montanans discover the problem, it will be too late—just as it was with the introduction of the invasive species of the gray wolf.
Step Four (Prediction): The world’s economy will grind to a halt due to instability in the Middle East driving the price of gasoline over $25 per gallon. In desperation, America will attempt to develop the massive Bakken oil reserves of Montana and North Dakota only to learn a future leftist president has issued a moratorium on all oil exploration to protect the habitat of our national mammal, the noble, YNP-origin, American Bison. Think about it."
The full blog post (I didn't quote a few intro and closing paragraphs) is here, and this story was also reported in the Huffington Post.
First, the biologist in me would like to state that Kerns clearly has some highly optimistic ideas about bison reproductive capacity. They only have one calf a year, and 20-40% of wild bison die in their first year (source). I don't feel like crunching the numbers, but I'm dubious about whether you're going from 60 bison to enough to ravage a landscape in a decade. Maybe he means the thousands of bison currently in Yellowstone will rampage out too, but that herd is already managed, partially with lethal methods, to keep them from straying off the park too much (due to concerns of disease transmission if they mingle with cattle) .
Second, wow, this is some hilariously off the wall conspiracy stuff. Walt Disney set (or was a symptom of others setting) our nation on a path to Earth-worship and eventual subjugation of the free people of Montana by big government and bison. Just like Karl Marx dreamed!
I want to laugh. Then I remember that this is an actual elected official in the country in which I live. Then I want to hide in a corner and pray for Gaia to send some bison to protect me.
Meanwhile, in other evidence of how those wacky environmentalists are clearly in control of everything, in places across the US in June 2,284 daily temperature records were broken and another 998 were tied. The link has some pretty impressive maps, but the story never once mentions climate change. (And this in NPR, which is popular among lefties.) Of course no single weather event, even a huge national heatwave, can prove that climate change is happening, just as no single cold and snowy winter can disprove it. Still, this is part of a global pattern of heat and severe weather. Climate change is happening now, and it's just going to get worse.
"This winter, under the cloak of darkness and against Montana Code, 60 bison were relocated from the quarantine facilities of Yellowstone National Park (YNP) to the Fort Peck Reservation along the Missouri Breaks. This is the second of a four step process to crush the republic and bring our populace into perfect dependence on big government—just as Karl Marx dreamed. If you missed steps one and two, you will likely refuse to acknowledge steps three and four, but I will explain them anyway.
Step One: Whether Walt Disney was a cause or an effect is uncertain, but his personification of animals allowed activists to gift Bambi rights equal to those endowed us by our Creator. Simultaneously and incrementally, government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator. (If that last sentence made you wince, you see how deeply idolatry has infected the American soul.)
Step Two: Fully indoctrinated Americans have deemed YNP bison as a genetically pure mascot worthy of worship as the golden calf. This May, our US Senate discussed legislation to designate the bison as our national mammal, while activists quietly acquired conservation easements and commandeered Montana water rights through the Clean Water Act. The noose of federal control quietly tightened around massive tracts of Montana’s Missouri Breaks, and just as planned, 60 YNP bison appeared on the Fort Peck Reservation.
Step Three (Prediction): Like clockwork, YNP bison will overpopulate and escape their temporary home and within a decade, there will be thousands of bison ravaging The Breaks. Once Montanans discover the problem, it will be too late—just as it was with the introduction of the invasive species of the gray wolf.
Step Four (Prediction): The world’s economy will grind to a halt due to instability in the Middle East driving the price of gasoline over $25 per gallon. In desperation, America will attempt to develop the massive Bakken oil reserves of Montana and North Dakota only to learn a future leftist president has issued a moratorium on all oil exploration to protect the habitat of our national mammal, the noble, YNP-origin, American Bison. Think about it."
The full blog post (I didn't quote a few intro and closing paragraphs) is here, and this story was also reported in the Huffington Post.
First, the biologist in me would like to state that Kerns clearly has some highly optimistic ideas about bison reproductive capacity. They only have one calf a year, and 20-40% of wild bison die in their first year (source). I don't feel like crunching the numbers, but I'm dubious about whether you're going from 60 bison to enough to ravage a landscape in a decade. Maybe he means the thousands of bison currently in Yellowstone will rampage out too, but that herd is already managed, partially with lethal methods, to keep them from straying off the park too much (due to concerns of disease transmission if they mingle with cattle) .
Second, wow, this is some hilariously off the wall conspiracy stuff. Walt Disney set (or was a symptom of others setting) our nation on a path to Earth-worship and eventual subjugation of the free people of Montana by big government and bison. Just like Karl Marx dreamed!
I want to laugh. Then I remember that this is an actual elected official in the country in which I live. Then I want to hide in a corner and pray for Gaia to send some bison to protect me.
Meanwhile, in other evidence of how those wacky environmentalists are clearly in control of everything, in places across the US in June 2,284 daily temperature records were broken and another 998 were tied. The link has some pretty impressive maps, but the story never once mentions climate change. (And this in NPR, which is popular among lefties.) Of course no single weather event, even a huge national heatwave, can prove that climate change is happening, just as no single cold and snowy winter can disprove it. Still, this is part of a global pattern of heat and severe weather. Climate change is happening now, and it's just going to get worse.
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(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-06 09:04 pm (UTC)I'm sorry you have to deal with such high temperatures. It's very hot here as well, although not as hot, and I'm constantly grumpy and miserable. Winter is my fave season and I hate this heat so much...
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-07 08:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-06 09:18 pm (UTC)I'm amusing myself with the fact that any Jr High teacher, upon receiving this from a student, would despair.
(also: Hi!)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-07 08:39 am (UTC)This sounds like the sort of thing you'd hear a crazy politician spouting in a comedy, but the effect in reality isn't quite so purely amusing.
Hi!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-07 12:32 am (UTC)Going back to reread, um, apparently earth-based religions are un-American? And I didn't realize Bambi was about bison. They just looked so much like deer. What with the antlers and stuff.
(Also, lol, Disney is an evil environmentalist. I really like going to Disney World, but it is one of the most human-created outdoor environments I have ever been in. Venice and the Vegas strip are the only others that outdo it.)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-07 08:48 am (UTC)I'm in total agreement about Disney theme parks being so heavily human-controlled. You can go indoors to go on a boat ride, for crying out loud.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-07 02:38 pm (UTC)The thing that sticks out to me about Disney is that even the smells are controlled and designed. In the Magic Kingdom they waft the artificially-created smell of cookies baking into the air (although to me it smells more like ice cream cones than cookies) because apparently, according to studies, that smell makes many people feel more comfortable and at home, and I guess they want to keep people from being spooked by giant crowds and weird fake architecture. (To be honest, it just makes me hungry for ice cream cones, which is probably also part of their plan.) Almost every single sensory experience you have in a Disney park is according to plan.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-07 09:23 am (UTC)(perhaps he only treats livestock. shrug)