tardis_stowaway | Fandom character meme answers (Reply)

Original meme posted here.

I chose my list of characters to include lots of sidekicks (though certainly not everyone on this list is a sidekick) and a few designed to deliberately mess with some of the likely scenarios.

1) Samwise Gamgee (LOTR)
2) Dana Scully (X-Files)
3) Dr. John Watson (BBC Sherlock)
4) Dr. John Watson (Ritchie movies with RDJ)
5) Willow Rosenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
6) Donna Noble (Doctor Who)
7) Molly Hooper (BBC Sherlock)
8) Death of the Endless (Sandman)
9) Rose Tyler (Doctor Who)
10) Treebeard (LOTR)
11) River Tam (Firefly)
12) Captain Jack Harkness (Doctor Who/Torchwood)
13) Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice)
14) Gwen (BBC Merlin)
15) James Moriarty, hiiiiiiiii! (BBC Sherlock)

Now, on to y'all's questions.

From rothas_writing

1. If Ritchieverse!Watson (4) suddenly developed supernatural powers, how would Molly Hooper (7) react?

Molly would be startled and initially socially awkward in trying to talk to Watson about it. However, she would keep his identity meticulously secret and prove herself a valuable ally.

2. Sam Gamgee (1), Rose Tyler (9) and BBC!John Watson (3) decide to have a threesome - what happens?

Sam is initially disturbed by John's uncanny resemblance to Mr. Bilbo, but he gets over it when he discovers how eager John is to add Middle Earth to the three continents where his sexual prowess is already known. Rose has a known weakness for doctors who are former soldiers, so she is immediately attracted to John, and she finds Sam utterly charming. The height difference is a bit awkward in bed (it's the first time both John and Rose were glad to be as short as they are), but a good sexy time is had by all. Then they go and save the world.

3. Which person on your list would you want to have afternoon tea with?

Wow, there are so many I want to hang out with. I think I'll go with #5, Willow Rosenberg. She's got a great sense of humor, lots of stories from being in the Scooby Gang, and I think we'd get along splendidly.

From kerravonsen:

All fifteen characters are kidnapped by aliens and dumped on an alien planet to play the alien equivalent of Survivor. They are split into three teams: #1-#5 in the first team, #6-#10 in the second team, and #11-#15 in the third team.
What happens?

I haven't watched Survivor since the first season and don't remember the rules, so I'm just going to say that Captain Jack seduces one of the aliens who put them there and convinces that jailer to let everyone return safely home.

James Moriarty (15) and BBC!John Watson (3) go into business together. Can they make the business prosper or do they end up killing each other first?

AHAHAHAHA! Worst possible combination for prosperous business with nobody dead! John Watson and James Moriarty, both from the BBC Sherlock universe, could probably run one hell of a business should they ever join forces, but there is NO CHANCE that they could do so without one killing the other. Maybe in an alternate version of the show where Moriarty delays revealing his identity he might use the persona of Jim from IT to approach John about ways to monetize the blog, but it would all be part of some scheme. If John or Sherlock figured out what Moriarty was up to, John would use his sharpshooting BAMF skills to end Moriarty. Otherwise, Moriarty might try to make John into shoes.

Sam Gamgee (1) and Jude Law!Watson (4) are zapped by an alien/magical device that makes them feel each others' feelings (but not able to read each others' minds). Do they kill each other? Do they go insane? Do they become best buddies? Do they fall in love?

Sam Gamgee and Dr. Watson would become true friends. They would have a mutual understanding of the value of loyalty to an extraordinary friend with an addiction problem. Each would find that many of the other's feelings were quite familiar. Sam would find Watson somewhat overly cynical, but overall they would get along like a house on fire.

Dana Scully (2) and Donna Noble (6) are the subject of a prophecy which only Elizabeth Bennet (13) and Rose Tyler (9) know the contents of. What is the prophecy? Does #13 wish to aid the prophecy or thwart it? Likewise, does #9 wish to aid or thwart it? What happens?

The prophecy is that the two most amazing ginger women will save the world. Rose Tyler and Lizzie Bennet heartily approve. First, Scully finds a way to restore Donna's memories and Time Lord brains. Doctor!Donna uses her supertemp skills to uncover the vast government conspiracy that Scully had been up against just in time to thwart an alien invasion.

Willow Rosenberg (5) turns out to be an alien or magical creature in disguise. Death (8) feels betrayed by this revelation. Can Treebeard (10) reconcile them?

Honestly, Death has been pretty pissed off at Willow ever since the debacle with Buffy's resurrection, so this is the last straw. When Treebeard announces that he is about to sit them down for a long discussion, they are both frightened given how long even a short Entish conversation takes. Even an immortal personification finds an Ent's idea of a long discussion to be daunting. Willow hastily apologizes, and Death very professionally accepts.

A dinner party with Molly Hooper (7), River Tam (11), Jack Harkness (12) and Gwen (14). Who cooks the dinner? What is on the menu? Who takes the last serve of dessert? What is the main topic of dinner conversation?

Gwen does most of the cooking. Molly brings dessert and Jack brings drinks. River just helps out by chopping things with knives alarmingly fast. River takes the last piece of dessert because she doesn't care about social convention. The main topic is Jack's attempts to get into everyone else's pants. He gives up on Gwen (who asserts that she has enough men in her life already) and River (not right to take advantage of someone quite young and not in her right mind), but he and Molly leave the party together and have hot sex. Molly becomes a long-term ally of Jack's and helps rescue his corpse from all sorts of situations where resurrection would be difficult to explain.

From yamx:

BBC!John Watson (3) has been kidnapped by Death (8)! Can Rose Tyler (9) save him/her?

(This choice of characters for this question made me really, really happy.) Normally, when someone gets kidnapped by Death I'd say there is not much hope of getting them back again. Not here. Rose has previous experience foiling Death to rescue a former military man who is too loyal for his own good. If Death kidnapped John, the Bad Wolf aspect of Rose would resurface (you didn't honestly believe the Doctor removed it entirely, did you?). She would bring John back from Death. However, it will turn out that Death wasn't actually kidnapping John at all, just dropping by to inform him that she hasn't touched Sherlock Holmes.

From reverendjmg:

If Death (8) inherits a house under the condition of having to stay in it for one whole night, but the ghost of Elizabeth Bennet (13) is haunting it! Can Death make it through the night?

Hee! The two of them would have a very pleasant chat and spend most of the night giggling like schoolgirls. By daybreak, Death would convince Elizabeth's spirit to move on to the next realm, which is probably the reason she took the challenge anyway.

From ladymercury_10:

Death (8) asks you on a date for Friday night, but so do Rose Tyler (9) and Treebeard (10)! Which do you choose (if either) and why?

Ha! As much as I would like to talk with Treebeard, I think I'm going to rule out any hint of dendrophilia and turn him down. That leaves a choice between Death and Rose. They're both sexy and fun with hidden depths (note that we are talking about the personification of Death being sexy and fun, not the act of dying). However, I don't think it would be prudent to refuse a date with Death. Also, I bet she tells all sorts of great stories.

If you were a spaceship captain and Samwise Gamgee (1), Dana Scully (2), and Captain Jack Harkness (12) were your crew members, how would that go? What jobs would you give them?

First, we'd have a problem with two captains on one ship. Honestly, I think I'd rather be first officer to Jack's captain. I don't like being the ultimate decision maker. My advice to the new Captain regarding the other two would be to make Scully the ship's doctor. Sam would do well either in some position behind the scenes managing logistics like getting the right supplies to the right places, or else being on security so he could go on all the away team missions.

For stupid_drawings:

If Donna Noble (6) and Gwen (14) got in a fight, what would be the outcome?

If the fight was verbal, Donna would dominate most of it with both volume and cleverness in coming up with cutting insults, but Gwen would finally get in one remark that would cause Donna to rethink her position. Hugs and apologies all around.

If the fight was physical, Gwen would dominate most of it with her swordfighting skills, but Donna would eventually figure out some way to disarm or knock her out long enough for both of them to cool down. Hugs all around.

Rose Tyler (9) has to choose between Sam Gamgee (1), River Tam (11), and James Moriarty (15) (for any reason). Who do they choose?

She chooses River to join her, the Doctor, and Jack in the TARDIS, because Rose has a weakness for repairing broken people, and I think she'd like having another young woman around.

What would be a good xmas gift for Dana Scully (2)?

Mulder wearing nothing but a strategically placed ribbon.

What would Elizabeth Bennet (13) put on Death of the Endless (8)'s tombstone?

Oh dear, what has happened to cause Death to die? Is she really gone? What happens if Death is dead? That is actually really bad news. Perhaps that is the source of all those zombies in Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. (Note: I haven't actually read P&P&Z, but I love that it exists.) Going on the assumption that dead Death would lead to havok, I think Lizzie would be too busy fighting off zombies to put up a tombstone.

For isiscaughey:

Donna Noble (6) and Rose Tyler (9) end up in a fuck or die situation. How does it go?

They shrug and go for it with some initial awkwardness but increasing gusto. When Rose accidentally calls out the Doctor's name at a key moment, Donna teases her relentlessly afterwards. When they're through, they both insist that they're just good friends and it was only the threat of death that made them shag, but somehow in their TARDIS travels they start "accidentally" getting covered with sex pollen or ingesting alien aphrodisiacs at an even higher rate than normal.

Gwen (14) plays cliff, shag, marry with Dana Scully (2), Death (8), and Elizabeth Bennet (13). Who gets cliffed, shagged, and married, and why?

Gwen cliffs Death, because Death is one of the Endless and won't actually be harmed by a cliffing. Also, Gwen is enough of a BAMF to shove Death off a cliff. She shags Lizzie (with plenty of witty banter and enthusiastic tearing off of beautiful dresses) and marries Scully. Gwen finds Scully's intelligence and fondness for the scientific method to be a welcome change from the usual company around Camelot.

For sylvansafekeepe:

One-on-one fights to the death. Assume access to whatever weapons are normally associated with these characters. Please provide reasoning and sources if possible as you work your way through the bracket.

#1 vs. BYE.
#2 vs. #15.
#3 vs. #14.
#4 vs. #13.
#5 vs. #12.
#6 vs. #11.
#7 vs. #10.
#8 vs. #9.

Rd. 2!
#1 vs. winner of (#8 vs. #9)
Winner of (#2 vs. #15) vs. winner of (#7 vs. #10)
Winner of (#3 vs. #14) vs. winner of (#6 vs. #11)
Winner of (#4 vs. #13) vs. winner of (#5 vs. #12)

If you don't want to kill *me* by this point, feel free to continue the bracket until you arrive at a grand champion. How does he/she feel about this accomplishment? Any regrets? Particular moments of glory?

I hate you a lot right now.

Sam Gamgee: unopposed. No one dares to go up against someone who walked into Mordor.

Scully vs. Moriarty: since the weapons usually associated with Moriarty include lots of minions with sniper rifles threatening people his opponent cares about, he could win this easily if he wanted to. However, he'd probably be more interested in the mind game of seeing whether Scully would/could kill her next opponent than in staying alive. Scully advances.

John Watson (BBC) vs. Gwen: Noooooooo. I don't think you could get either of them to engage in this fight, and I suspect John might throw the fight at the expense of his own life if you tried to make them. Assuming genuine effort to kill, John would win. He has a gun and lots of experience using it, while she only has a sword she rarely uses. Gwen's strength is not focused on fighting.

John Watson (Ritchie-verse) vs. Elizabeth Bennet. I think Watson would be more likely to flirt with her than kill her, and being a Victorian gentleman I think there's a good chance he'd rather die than kill a woman armed only with her wits, however formidable those wits might be. However, in a real fight (and assuming the canonical Elizabeth rather than an AU like Jane Austen's Fight Club or Pride & Prejudice & Zombies), Watson would win.

Willow Rosenberg vs. Captain Jack Harkness: Assuming both characters are from the latter seasons of their shows, Willow kills Jack with magic. Jack resurrects later, but the condition of the tournament has already been met. YAY!

Donna Noble vs. River Tam: Nooooooooooo. Between the superhuman fighting skills and the mental powers, I think River has this in the bag.

Molly Hooper vs. Treebeard: What the hell. MOLLY HOOPER. Molly fakes her own death so Treebeard doesn't pursue the fight, then comes after Treebeard from behind with a large syringe full of herbicide.

Death vs. Rose Tyler: While Bad Wolf Rose could defeat Death enough to resurrect Jack (and rescue kidnapped John in the earlier question), I suspect this is largely because Death let her get away with it. In a fight to the death, Death always wins.

I'm far too lazy to spell out all the brackets, but the eventual victor is, of course, Death. [I knew it would be a good idea to put her on the character list!] For her, it's all in a day's work.

For joking:

What would Rose Tyler (9)'s dæmon be?

Wolf, obviously. ;)

Which house would Moriarty (15) be sorted into?

Slytherin. I briefly considered a counterintuitive choice. Could his love of intellect might make him a Ravenclaw? However, he loves knowledge mostly for the sake of the power and sense of superiority it gives him. Definitely a Slytherin.

Scully (2) and Moriarty (15) are handcuffed to each other and on the run from the police, a la TRF. What happens?

Moriarty laughs his head off at the situation and makes lewd remarks just to bother Scully. Scully knees him in the nuts. Moriarty retaliates by pulling her hair. All the hullaballoo attracts the cops, who arrest both of them. Oops. Moriarty tries to claim that he's an innocent actor named Richard Brook, but Scully has too much experience tearing down conspiracies to be fooled for one second. Working from behind bars with Mulder as her assistant on the outside, she figures out how to prove that Moriarty was a real criminal mastermind and clear her own name.