"Behold! The awesome power of the Doctor, beyond the comprehension of crawling fools - all shall tremble and bow before me! The time of soft touches and puppies is over: the age of the iron fist and pet Daleks has come! All shall love me and despair."

"Next!"

"Howdy-doo, buckaroos! C'n I interest y'all in a ride 'round the wild beyond? My TARDIS is polished and saddled - ready for admitting y'all dazzling dames!"

"Next."

"Sometimes, I remember them, burning, burning. I envy their absolution in the sweet embrace of the flames: perhaps, for a moment, they felt they weren't alone. I am Alone: it is my name as whispered by the stars and echoed by the mouths of babes, and all who deny it are false prophets."

"Next.

(Duncan, the assistant, fetches the bucket. It is going to be a long night.)

"With my TAAAARDIS, I will freeze the world! With my TAAARDIS, I with find a way to... get the girl!"

"Not quite what we're looking for, but leave your name and address at the reception. Next!"

"Hello. Please ignore the skirt, fangs and glitter, I am here on a sober mission to restore world peace. I admit the feathered hat is not exactly mandatory for my camouflage, but I like it. These heels are ridiculous, though, I shan't be able to run in them. Can anyone lend me a pair of red sandals?"

"Hired. Duncan, fetch sandals for the man, to match the hair. And Duncan?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I need a martini."